Subcutaneous Anthology 11/20/2024

November 20, 2024

In today’s edition:

  • Big Bets on Biofuels: Oil giants are doubling down on biofuels, with over 40 projects planned by 2030 to diversify their energy portfolios and reduce carbon emissions.

  • Fed & FDIC Chiefs Stay Put: Despite recent turbulence, the Federal Reserve's Vice Chair and FDIC Chief have announced they’re staying on the job, signaling stability in financial oversight.

  • KPMG Teams Up with Google Cloud: In a major move, KPMG commits to spending $100 million on AI-powered solutions through a new partnership with Google Cloud, paving the way for next-gen business intelligence.

  • Nvidia's Strong AI Earnings: Nvidia reports impressive earnings, driven by AI market dominance, as Wall Street traders scramble to capitalize on the ongoing AI boom.

  • Pakistan's VPN Controversy: Pakistan's religious leaders declare VPN usage to be against Islamic law, creating a storm over digital rights and surveillance practices.

  • Weight Loss Drugs on the Rise: A new survey reveals that the largest U.S. companies are expanding weight loss drug coverage in 2024, reflecting a major shift in employee healthcare offerings.

  • Threads Custom Feeds Rollout: Meta’s Threads app introduces custom feeds, enhancing user experience and engagement, as it battles Twitter for social media dominance.

⏰ 5 min. read (1,176 words)

📊 Economics Edge

Big Oil Goes Greenish: Betting Billions on Biofuels
The oil industry’s love affair with biofuels is heating up, with over 40 major projects in the works by 2030, according to Rystad Energy. Translation: Big Oil’s PR strategy is working overtime. It’s like slapping a compost sticker on a gas-guzzling SUV. Sure, it’s progress, but it’s not going to save the planet overnight. Still, with carbon-cutting mandates looming, biofuels are Big Oil’s slightly greener dance partner.

Fed Leaders Stay Put: Calm Before the Regulatory Storm?
The Fed’s Vice Chair for Supervision and the FDIC’s Chief of Supervision have announced they’re staying on the job, which is the financial equivalent of a football coach saying, “We’re sticking to the game plan!” With turbulence in the banking sector still fresh, these steady hands hope to assure markets; though it feels a bit like taping the wings back on a plane mid-flight.

KPMG and Google Cloud Team Up on AI: $100 Million Partnership
KPMG just dropped $100 million to buddy up with Google Cloud in a partnership they’re calling a “leap forward in AI-driven innovation.” Basically, KPMG wants to be the cool kid in consulting, leveraging AI to turbocharge analytics and operations. Whether it’s genius or just a very expensive flex remains to be seen.

Nvidia’s AI Crown: Wall Street’s Darling Keeps Delivering
Nvidia has done it again, smashing earnings expectations and keeping Wall Street traders grinning like kids in a candy store. CEO Jensen Huang continues to dominate the AI market, leaving competitors scrambling to catch up. With AI being the stock market’s golden goose, Nvidia’s success has traders shouting, “All hail the GPU King!”

⚙️ Tech Trends

VPNs Declared Against Islamic Law in Pakistan
Pakistan’s religious authorities have issued a fatwa against using VPNs, labeling them un-Islamic. The reasoning? VPNs allegedly bypass state-imposed restrictions, and in Pakistan, that’s akin to sneaking into a movie theater without a ticket. While tech-savvy citizens might be side-eyeing this ruling, the government seems pleased with yet another way to keep the digital landscape locked down.

Ouest-France Leaves X: The Newspaper Ghosts Musk’s Platform
In a bold move, Ouest-France has become the first French newspaper to quit Elon Musk’s X (formerly Twitter), citing “irrelevance” in the current social media climate. As the platform continues its identity crisis, more media outlets may follow suit.

Tech, Politics, and Growth: Gary Shapiro Sounds Off
Gary Shapiro of the Consumer Technology Association is calling for a pivot in how politics approaches tech. His message? Stop strangling innovation with antitrust drama and start focusing on the economic opportunities tech brings. It's a delicate dance, but Shapiro argues that too much regulation could leave America watching AI advancements from the sidelines like it’s a football game we’re losing in the 4th quarter.

Dell Settles with the Army: Uncle Sam Isn’t Overpaying Anymore
Dell has settled allegations that it overcharged the U.S. Army for computer hardware, agreeing to cough up $5 million. It’s a small price to pay for the tech giant, but the scandal has the Army double-checking its receipts. Lesson learned: even in government contracts, markup madness isn’t a free-for-all.

🤿 Deep Dive of the Day

Forget about influencers hawking collagen powder & ring lights - Carlo Acutis is about to become the first millennial saint, proving that even heaven has a recruitment strategy for Gen Z. Known as “God’s influencer,” Carlo didn’t waste his teenage years on TikTok dance challenges; he was out here building websites cataloging Eucharistic miracles. While the rest of us were agonizing over MySpace top friends, Carlo was laying down digital tracks for eternal salvation.

Born in London, Carlo spent most of his short life in Italy, where he designed websites for his parish and school. His pièce de résistance? A site documenting miracles tied to the Eucharist, launched mere days before his untimely death at 15. It’s since been translated into multiple languages and turned into a traveling exhibit, which basically sounds like the Vatican’s version of Coachella.

The Pope himself has declared that Carlo will officially join the celestial all-stars on April 26. He’ll be celebrated as the “Patron Saint of the Internet,” which feels right in a world where Google might know more about us than God.

Carlo’s canonization isn’t just holy; it’s branding genius. Millennials and Gen Z can finally say, “One of us made it!” And let’s face it, if you had “first millennial saint” on your 2024 bingo card, you’re definitely winning.

🍪 News Bites

  • Weight Loss Drugs Become Mainstream: Big Pharma Strikes Again
    Weight loss drugs are no longer just a trend – they’re now the big thing of 2024, with coverage expanding among the largest U.S. companies. Expect to see these meds popping up in health insurance plans like it's the latest must-have gadget. So, who’s winning in the fat-burning game? Apparently, Big Pharma, backed by billion-dollar stakes.

  • The Secret Behind the UK's Next Giant Leap in Space Exploration
    The UK is investing big in space exploration, giving NASA a run for its money. With fresh funding for space initiatives, the new mission isn’t just about discovering alien life – it’s also about positioning the UK as a global powerhouse in the future of space tech. Better hope they don’t find any aliens with bad Wi-Fi.

  • 17-Year-Old Passes California Bar Exam: The Ultimate Flex
    There’s a new legal prodigy in town. At just 17, a teenager has passed the California Bar Exam, officially becoming the youngest to do so. Honestly, this kid’s already got more life accomplishments than most of us will in a decade. Watch out, future law firms.

  • Dr. Oz's Latest Feat: Bringing Reality to Washington
    Dr. Oz is making waves in politics. Now officially a force to be reckoned with in the White House, he’s leveraging his celebrity power to influence public policy.

  • Threads Custom Feeds Are Rolling Out: Social Media Gets Even More Customizable
    Instagram’s Threads is rolling out new custom feeds, meaning users can finally tailor their social media experience to be as niche and specific as their hobbies. It’s all about curating your feed down to the tiniest detail, like your cousin’s dog’s daily adventures or the latest news on vintage vinyl records.

TL;DR:

  1. 🛢️ Oil companies are doubling down on biofuels like it’s a new diet fad, but let’s be honest; they’ll still be cranking out oil like it’s the 80s, just with a greener cover story.

  2. 💼 The Fed’s Vice Chair and FDIC chief are sticking around like those relatives who won’t leave your Thanksgiving dinner, except they’re actually making the economy worse.

  3. 🤖 KPMG is sinking $100 million into an AI partnership with Google.

  4. 💸 Nvidia's earnings are skyrocketing because AI’s like the new internet - everyone’s throwing cash at it like it's the next Bitcoin.

  5. 🚫 Pakistan’s religious leaders just declared using a VPN against Islamic law.

  6. 📰 Ouest-France becomes the first French newspaper to quit X (formerly Twitter), deciding to take their news to a place that doesn’t involve a dumpster fire.

  7. 💡 Gary Shapiro is out here talking tech, antitrust, and economic growth like he’s trying to singlehandedly fix Silicon Valley’s mess while still looking stylish doing it.

  8. 💻 Dell just settled for overcharging the U.S. Army on computing contracts, because, of course, the Army needs $3,000 laptops for basic operations.

  9. 💊 Big companies are now covering weight loss drugs in 2024, because if you can’t control your appetite, at least your insurance company can.

  10. 📚 A 17-year-old just became the youngest to pass the California Bar, and now we’re all questioning our life choices, wondering if we could’ve been lawyers by middle school.

  11. 🏛️ Dr. Oz is out here trying to run for office, proving once and for all that TV doctors don’t just give bad advice.

  12. 📱 Threads rolled out custom feeds, so now you can personalize your suffering instead of just scrolling mindlessly like it’s a sport.